Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
