he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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