conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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