Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just googled if crying burns calories
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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