two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
