I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
