im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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