Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
