how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
