Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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