It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
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Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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