I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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