I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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