Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
