Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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