He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
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Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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