Already got asked if we're dating
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
