Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
