Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
