if i can run in heels then i can drive
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Randomize
