I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
