No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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