everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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