Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
