Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
