shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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