I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
