I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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