I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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