I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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