when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize