He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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