I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize