brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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