"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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