oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
No stitches, just platelets and will power
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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