For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
