Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
