i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
