I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Randomize
