TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
