I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
