I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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