South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
