No awkward lesbian experiences without me
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
