There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Sober January is a disaster.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
