Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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