genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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