I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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