Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
