OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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