Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
