..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
