And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
This is the high leading the old right now
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
