I'm lost and stupid without you.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
