I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
