Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
