People with herpes should wear stickers.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
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I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
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I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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