hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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