This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
