She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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