Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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