ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
