What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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