she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
