two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
