I love watching others lives come down to our level.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Shame is for Republicans.
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