last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
