Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
