i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
